My Head Was Turned…

8c7cef088ea33418_Sorry_Letter_With_Rose_xxlarge-300x279I have neglected you for over a week. I don’t know whether you count these things or not, I know so little about you, but this has been our longest absence since we first met.

I have to confess that it was liberating at first. I found myself waking up and relaxing into the day without having to think about what to say to you. That constant hum of thoughts that has been so consistent over the past 6 months was missing. Alas, as the days passed and the silence took on a hum all of its own, I started to reminisce about the great times we shared.

I suppose this was only to be expected, after all, we have spent so much time with each other. At what point does one persons soul merge with another? I doubt you could even measure such a phenomenal event by using a calendar. If you can, or you can’t, it doesn’t really matter to me. I know that I missed you as that week went by.

Absence makes the heart grow stronger, this is true. Joni Mitchell said, ‘you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone,’ and this is also true. But these are the only two phrases that are. Everything else is for effect.

Every cheating husband and, wife with spring-loaded thighs, knows how to make an excuse but that’s all I have to give to you. I wish I had more, I wish I could tell you that I went to the moon but then, that would only be an excuse anyway. I’m afraid that I have been reduced to a pitiful excuse nonetheless. I would tell you straight away what that excuse is, it’s a very good one, but I’m not sure that is the best way to show my respect for you.

How can I run away and come back, deserving to be listened to as if nothing has ever happened? You are right where you’ve always been. You never move, you never fail, you are consistent, you are a rock, I sometimes wonder whether you are even real.

I knew that I would regret the last time we spoke, for the prophets have always claimed that pride comes before a fall. I will never make that mistake again. Do people celebrate anniversaries because they never expect things to last? Professional sportsmen look at their records when they finish their career, not during. Complacency is murder.

My five-year old son claimed yesterday that the whole world was dying. I looked at him with surprise at first but then something in his eyes told me that there was a deeper truth to be told. I asked how come he knew and he told me, ‘someone broke the handle off of a toilet in the girls washroom at school. They then took the same handle and flushed it down the same toilet.’ He looked relieved after telling me this as if the weight of mankind had been lifted from his shoulders. We’re all dying and the world is going crazy. How can you flush the handle down the toilet without being able to flush it because the handle is in the toilet? We’re all dying.

Hopefully this provides you with enough perspective to forgive my wanderings. I will not destroy anymore of the respect you have for me by telling you what I have been doing for the past week, but I promise never to do it again. For what that’s worth…

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6 responses to “My Head Was Turned…

  1. Hi Michael
    Kids tends to put things into “perspective”.
    Out of the mouths of Babes, it appears his world IS going down the toilet.
    All will be well when he gets a handle on it.
    Having said that I enjoyed your apology, accepted! But unnecessary.

  2. Welcome back! Hope the time off inspired more of your great wit. Ready for more great posts 🙂

  3. As a divorce lawyer, I had difficulty getting through your post…
    I was laughing so hard, I kept dropping my iPad!!!!!

  4. Mia culpa, mia culpa, mia maxima culpa, as the good Catholics would say! (For us non- Catholics that means “MY fault, my fault, my most greivious fault). So you’ve apologised………….it’s accepted even if it’s unnecessary. I thought you’d just got a life for a while!

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